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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

YOU live only once


YOU live only once


 
An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for
our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'




MORAL:


No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Advertisement love letter to GIRL friend



Advertisement love letter to GIRL friend 



My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek  chand  ka  tukda) , you are my  TVS SCOOTY

(first love) and my AIWA (pure passion) .  I always BPL (believe in the best) and
you are SANSUI (better than the best) . You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (delivering a million
 smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (seriously fresh) feeling for me.
I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father  who is
KAWASAKI   BAJAJ!   CALIBE! R (the unshakable) and my  father who is CEAT (born tough) ,
 but don't  worry  as  I  am also FORD   ICON (The josh machine) and rest of our family
members  are pretty  KELVINATORS (the coolest ones) . If our  fathers  say  no, 
we will run away and marry, and PHILIPS (let's make things better) .

They  will  feel  MIRINDA (zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA-COLA  (

Jo  chahe ho jaye) . Trust in God who's always NOKIA (connecting people) who
love each other. And do not forget that we are WILLS (made for each other).  Now t
hat HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY
MILK (real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (fun  fast easy) and PARX  (always comfortable) .
So never forget me. Ok bye!

I wrote little but actually PEPSI (yeh dil mange more)!!.

Yours
LG (digitally 
yours).


Funny Definitions


Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.



Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.



Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.



Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.



Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.



Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.



Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.



Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.



Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.



Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that You actually look forward to the trip.



Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.



Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.



Father : A banker provided by nature.



Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"



Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.



Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.



Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.



Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says midway "See I am not injured yet."



Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.



Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.



Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.



Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.



Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]


Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.


One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),


He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.


As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."


She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.


The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."


The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give


Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"


The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !"So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!




Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Monday, January 9, 2012

10 Years From Now


10 Years From Now


I don’t like thinking too much about the future, after all we can only live in the present moment, and thus we should focus on that. But there’s something that I’m thinking more and more lately, and that’s helping me to get a lot of motivation.

It all started with a quote, and it developed in a more general way of thinking.
“Ten years from now, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do, not the ones you did.”

That’s definitely true. I don’t regret the past for the things I did, indeed I would repeat everything I’d have the chance, but I certainly wouldn’t mind having pushed my boundaries further.

Whenever I think about this, I realize how many opportunities we waste by occupying our mind with the wrong things.

I want you to do a simple test, it won’t take you more than a few minutes, and I think it’s very worth your time. Take some paper and write down 10 things you were worried about yesterday. Don’t think too much about them, just write down quickly what’s coming to mind. Got them? Good. Now take a look at them, chances are that one or two of those are something that’s already solved, or something that didn’t matter at all. Now do the same test, but this time try to remember 10 things you were worried one year ago. Chances are that you’re having an hard time remembering about them.

The truth is that we constantly fill our mind with beliefs that are simply not true, or that don’t matter at all. By constantly thinking about the past and the future we are giving up liberty and creating stress. We are thinking too much. It seems odd at first, but the only way that you’ll be proud of yourself ten years from now is to stop thinking about time and to start focusing on the now.
Now is the only time where you can make a difference, where your thoughts are clear, and where everything matters. What happened 1 minute ago is gone, as projecting the future is pure fantasy. Sure, you can always plan based on your previous experiences and with some output in mind, but you can only accomplish your goals by focusing on the present moment. Now, not tomorrow.
I want you to go back for one second on the first list you previously wrote. Now scroll down each item and ask yourself: “Does this really matter in the present moment?”. Problems don’t exist in the present moment, nor do feelings. The present moment is a gift you have, and you can decide wherever to enjoy it, or ignore it by projecting into the past and the future.
But how do you deal with problems? After all life is full of challenges. The simple answer is that you don’t. If a problem doesn’t matter in the present moment then it doesn’t exist. The moment you really have to deal with it (if at all), you give it full attention and then you return on your own things.
But wont you stop to grow that way? No. I do have goals I want to accomplish this month and this year. But I have to work on them now in order to achieve them. Tomorrow will never come.
Even when you work for someone else, there’s a chance that you don’t really enjoy what you’re doing. But if you focus on the now you’ll find it easier to get things done. And if you get things done and you enjoy it (you will if you focus on the now), you’ll be more happy, you’re boss will notice your progress, and you’ll enter into a snowball of positive changes.
So let’s get back to 10 years from now. I sincerely don’t know wherever I’ll still be alive by then, and who I’ll be. But I know one thing for sure, and that’s I would want to have lived my life to the fullest by then, and I can only achieve that by living my life now.
Live your life to the fullest. Now…..