'I'm too smart for the first-grade

'I'm too smart for the first-grade

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his

Questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Boy.: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,

Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..

Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to

IIM AHMEDABAD (Indian Institute Of Management)

I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

How to recruit the right person for the right job?

How to recruit the right person for the right job?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.  Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave  them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the
situation.

If they are counting the bricks.

Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them.

Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.

Put them in engineering. 

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.

Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other.

Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.

Put them in security.

If they have  broken the bricks into pieces.

Put them in information technology. 

 

If they are sitting idle.

Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
 

If they have already left for the day.

Put them in marketing.
 

If they are staring out of the window.

Put them on strategic  planning.

And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.

Congratulate them and put them in top management. 

How long

How long

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'The guy left.A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'The guy left.A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .The guy left.The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.  
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,'Your house!' =D =))

Confusion

Confusion

Son:"Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"

Father: That's great son. Who is she?

Son: It's Sandra, d neighbour's daughter.

Father: Ohhh I wish u hadn't said that. I have to tell u something son,

but u must promise?not?to tell ur mother. Sandra is actually ur sister.

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ...

Son: Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even hotter!

Father: That's great son. Who is she?

Son: It's Angela, d other neighbour's daughter.

Father: Ohhhh I wish u hadn't said that. Angela is also ur sister.

This went on couple of times n d son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date

any of them because dad is their father!

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, u can date whoever u want. He isn't your father =))

Fried Eggs

Fried Eggs 

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him and asked, "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."